Gideon13
04-14-2010, 07:37 PM
Spike TV has a series called The Deadliest Warrior, wherein they simulate combat between different warriors from history to see who would win.
Season 1, Episode 4 pitted the knight vs. a pirate. The pirate won due to some “You have GOT to be KIDDING!” level inaccuracies (the show was clearly rooting for the pirate). I would like to summarize what they got right and what they got wrong because it might affect how people picture a Knight vs. Brigand (or Mordred With Cool Toys) battle – and frankly because I’m still annoyed at the results.
The pirate was unarmored and was armed with Grenado (a primitive grenade), Flintlock Pistol, Blunderbuss, Cutlass, and Boarding Axe. The knight wore 16-point plate and was armed with Morningstar, Broadsword (actually Arming Sword), Crossbow, and Halberd.
First they tested weapon effectiveness.
Close Range: Cutlass vs. Broadsword. They called this even because both swords sliced a pig carcass in half. However, they neglected to test damage against what the other guy was wearing – which is odd because they had done so in the previous episode (Viking vs. Samurai). A cutlass, in reality, is danged ineffective vs. 16-point-plate – it’s a slicing, not a chopping weapon. Also, when knights shifted to plate they dropped the shield so they could use hand-and-a-half swords and other two-handed weapons -- but that's not what the show tested against the cutlass.
Mid Range: Blunderbuss vs. Halberd. The blunderbuss misfired once, then penetrated the thickest part of the plate when it did fire, making one hole. The halberd was reliable and murdered its target. After much discussion they gave an edge to the Blunderbuss.
Long Range: Flintlock vs. Crossbow. The flintlock dented but didn’t penetrate the plate. They also showed the flintlock’s inaccuracy vs. the crossbow. Edge: Crossbow. Of course, knights normally never used crossbows in combat.
Special Weapons: Grenado vs. Morningstar. Great video of a Morningstar pulping a skill and emptying the contents thereof. Also the guy using it had to armor up to protect himself against his own weapon, showing the morningstar’s downside. They then tested the Grenado at point-blank range against some pig carcasses, one of which was armored. The unarmored pigs were shredded. The armor, again, protected its wearer, but they gave the edge to the Grenado because the big explosion Looked Cool, citing its unmeasured shock effect (as if maces, etc. don’t have shock effects that a fighter learns to fight through?).
Then they showed the simulation. The knight on horseback, with Morningstar and heater shield (Wrong -- when plate came in, shields went out except for tourney jousts) charges the pirate. The pirate fires a flintlock (ping! off armor) – and the knight misses! Another charge, another drawn-flintlock-and-ping, the Morningstar that pulped a skull hits the pirate in the shoulder – and merely knocks him back. Finally the pirate gets smart and throws the instantly-lit grenado (Wrong – it’s not instant, and you certainly won’t get it done while you’re being charged in melee) at the knight’s steed. This not only unhorses the knight, but sends his shield flying (Wrong – heater shields have forearm straps and guiges in addition to the handle to keep this from happening).
The pirate approaches the knight and gets shot in the leg by the crossbow (Wrong – it takes a while to cock a crossbow, and how did the bolt stay loaded when the shield went flying?). Pirate shoots knight with the blunderbuss, knocking him down and wounding but not killing him. I strongly doubt that the blunderbuss would have been nearly as effective if he’d still had his shield.
The foes then cross swords for several rounds, to no effect. For some reason the knight never thinks to stop parrying and simply All-Out Attack, taking the 4D6 hit on his 16-point armor and chopping the pirate into shark chum.
Eventually the knight grapples the pirate – only instead of using some of the unarmed fighting techniques the period fechtbuchen showed were part of knightly training, the knight can’t move because of his heavy armor (that old myth again!). At which point the pirate pulls out yet another flintlock from his Bag of Holding (a pirate could hold 7-9 flintlocks plus his other weapons? Come on!), lifts up the knight’s visor, and shoots him.
In summary, the show had some great gory shots of weapons vs. unarmored targets. But please, folks, don’t think it represents reality.
Season 1, Episode 4 pitted the knight vs. a pirate. The pirate won due to some “You have GOT to be KIDDING!” level inaccuracies (the show was clearly rooting for the pirate). I would like to summarize what they got right and what they got wrong because it might affect how people picture a Knight vs. Brigand (or Mordred With Cool Toys) battle – and frankly because I’m still annoyed at the results.
The pirate was unarmored and was armed with Grenado (a primitive grenade), Flintlock Pistol, Blunderbuss, Cutlass, and Boarding Axe. The knight wore 16-point plate and was armed with Morningstar, Broadsword (actually Arming Sword), Crossbow, and Halberd.
First they tested weapon effectiveness.
Close Range: Cutlass vs. Broadsword. They called this even because both swords sliced a pig carcass in half. However, they neglected to test damage against what the other guy was wearing – which is odd because they had done so in the previous episode (Viking vs. Samurai). A cutlass, in reality, is danged ineffective vs. 16-point-plate – it’s a slicing, not a chopping weapon. Also, when knights shifted to plate they dropped the shield so they could use hand-and-a-half swords and other two-handed weapons -- but that's not what the show tested against the cutlass.
Mid Range: Blunderbuss vs. Halberd. The blunderbuss misfired once, then penetrated the thickest part of the plate when it did fire, making one hole. The halberd was reliable and murdered its target. After much discussion they gave an edge to the Blunderbuss.
Long Range: Flintlock vs. Crossbow. The flintlock dented but didn’t penetrate the plate. They also showed the flintlock’s inaccuracy vs. the crossbow. Edge: Crossbow. Of course, knights normally never used crossbows in combat.
Special Weapons: Grenado vs. Morningstar. Great video of a Morningstar pulping a skill and emptying the contents thereof. Also the guy using it had to armor up to protect himself against his own weapon, showing the morningstar’s downside. They then tested the Grenado at point-blank range against some pig carcasses, one of which was armored. The unarmored pigs were shredded. The armor, again, protected its wearer, but they gave the edge to the Grenado because the big explosion Looked Cool, citing its unmeasured shock effect (as if maces, etc. don’t have shock effects that a fighter learns to fight through?).
Then they showed the simulation. The knight on horseback, with Morningstar and heater shield (Wrong -- when plate came in, shields went out except for tourney jousts) charges the pirate. The pirate fires a flintlock (ping! off armor) – and the knight misses! Another charge, another drawn-flintlock-and-ping, the Morningstar that pulped a skull hits the pirate in the shoulder – and merely knocks him back. Finally the pirate gets smart and throws the instantly-lit grenado (Wrong – it’s not instant, and you certainly won’t get it done while you’re being charged in melee) at the knight’s steed. This not only unhorses the knight, but sends his shield flying (Wrong – heater shields have forearm straps and guiges in addition to the handle to keep this from happening).
The pirate approaches the knight and gets shot in the leg by the crossbow (Wrong – it takes a while to cock a crossbow, and how did the bolt stay loaded when the shield went flying?). Pirate shoots knight with the blunderbuss, knocking him down and wounding but not killing him. I strongly doubt that the blunderbuss would have been nearly as effective if he’d still had his shield.
The foes then cross swords for several rounds, to no effect. For some reason the knight never thinks to stop parrying and simply All-Out Attack, taking the 4D6 hit on his 16-point armor and chopping the pirate into shark chum.
Eventually the knight grapples the pirate – only instead of using some of the unarmed fighting techniques the period fechtbuchen showed were part of knightly training, the knight can’t move because of his heavy armor (that old myth again!). At which point the pirate pulls out yet another flintlock from his Bag of Holding (a pirate could hold 7-9 flintlocks plus his other weapons? Come on!), lifts up the knight’s visor, and shoots him.
In summary, the show had some great gory shots of weapons vs. unarmored targets. But please, folks, don’t think it represents reality.